How to Dance to Music You Don't Like

We’ve all been there - either we’re hanging out with a kid who wants us to dance with them to the newest pop sensation, or we’re at our bestie’s wedding, or we simply paid a hefty cover fee to get into this party, aaaaannnnd a song comes on that makes us CRINGE. We don’t want to leave, or sit down, or disappoint this sweet, adorable child, so what are we supposed to do??

Well, firstly, let me explain why the cringe feels so constricting. Our taste in music is something we hold close to the chest, something we personally identify with. We squeal “this is MY soooong!” and we post our Spotify Wrapped lists with beaming pride. The music we love is so deeply personal. And when something comes on that we don’t immediately identify with, we tend to have a quick and drastic reaction. We want everyone to know - this is NOT something I would ever listen to. Uh-uh. Not me.

Because music is so deeply personal, so are the connections that come along with it. When you meet someone that has a similar taste in music as you, it feels like an instant friendship. The opposite can be true too. I remember, in my younger days, sharing with my coworker that I didn’t really care for Rihanna, and she would look at me with disgust every time our eyes locked for the next TWO. YEARS.

Now more than ever, thanks to the internet, it’s harder to find people that share our taste in music. There is so much music available to us now, which is great! We really get to deep dive and find what truly resonates with us on a soul level. But back in the 1900’s you could pretty much guess that if someone was in your same age group they were listening to the same stuff you were, because that’s what was on the radio.

And we all know that the more you are exposed to something, the more you come to enjoy it. So while we’re all curating our very personal, very specific-to-the-moment playlists, instead of being exposed to an artist’s entire album or whatever’s on MTV, we are strengthening our love for what we already love, as well as our resistance to anything new or unusual that hits our ears.

So of course when your niece wants to teach you that TikTok dance, or a genre-bending song plays during a movie montage, you’re like ew, NO. Because we’re used to only hearing what we like, all the time. It would be like tasting a new, strange food. But I’m here to urge you - don’t spit it out right away!! Chew on it for a second and see if you can get past the initial ick.

Quick disqualifier, and I’ll continue to milk the new-food-metaphor, if it triggers your gag reflex, there’s no need to force it. There are of course going to be songs that just make your entire body lock up. Full freeze response. For any number of reasons. In those cases, don’t force it. It’s okay to leave the room, opt out or distract yourself.

But! If you aren’t having that bad of a reaction, and it’s just music you don’t prefer but you value the connection to the person, place or thing that has brought this music to your ears, here are my -

5 Tips for Dancing to Music You Don’t Like -

Can you find ONE thing about the song you do like? Even if it’s just the tempo. Then pick ONE body part, and with that one body part, focus on that one element. Maybe you tap your toes to the tempo. Maybe you sway your shoulders to the guitar riff. Tune out the rest of the song, if you need to, and see what grows from there.
Can you tap into the feeling of the song? We are all naturally pretty good at this. Does the song make you feel tough and cool, silly and playful, sad and heartbroken? Then pretend you are acting! Put on that personna, that feeling, that vibe, and just play pretend. Detach this “personna” from your personal identity, like playing dress-up. Try it on and lose yourself in it.
Can you find someone in the room who does love this song? And witness them in loving observance without cringing or judging them? Maybe watching them express so authentically will inspire you to dance along with them. Or maybe not! Maybe your way of enjoying the music is by watching someone else enjoy the music.
If you are close with the person who loves this song, ask them to show you how to dance to it. They would probably LOVE to show you! And when you follow along, avoid mocking them (nobody will enjoy that, including yourself) and really try to embody what they are sharing with you. Again - detach the movements and the music from your personal identity and lose yourself!
Lastly, if you try these tips and you are still feeling cringe, just remove yourself. Music is a vibration! You do not have to force yourself to pretend to enjoy something after you’ve given it a chance. These tips are to help you find a way to enjoy it, and if you still aren't, that's okay too. Be honest!

There you have it. As I write this, I’m thinking of the videos on social media you see of a son, dad and grandpa doing whatever choreography is trending together. I’m sure grandpa doesn’t put on Lil Uzi Vert by himself while he does his puzzles in the living room, but when you can loosen your grip on the way you personally identify with your preferences, you make room for new, fun, genuine connections with others, and you might even surprise yourself.

Happy dancing out there :)